second language
i wonder what my parents felt
when their daughters
one day
woke up, with english
rolling off-of-their-tongue
effortlessly
as if it belonged to them
all along.
greatest exchange
who was the woman before us, before marriage
before america.
from the very few blurry photos i've seen,
she looked carefree- almost rebellious
in the most liberating way.
laughing with her friends
i can almost hear it
i wonder... what wishes filled her heart?
immigrant life was a price she paid
exchanging-
youth for age
native for visitor
her dreams for her daughters.
infertility
it's possible to miss
someone, whom you've never met.
it's possible to long for them
like you're reminiscing the good days
"one day" milestones i carried
in my soul-
deep in my skin where
no one could take away
your father's kind heart and warm smile
you'd surly possess
image of you is now last night's
dream
fading into
mere desire and greed
i miss
the
us
we never were.
broken whole
nothing opens up without
the breaking.
nothing comes alive without
a death
even the flowers know that.
we are breaking
to be open-
to be born again.
secret to starting, anything
i waited for a day when i wasn't scared anymore,
it never came.
i waited for my work to be perfect,
but then realized- does that even exist?
i waited to be just like my heroes
but that only made me bitter.
fear made me freeze
perfectionism made me hide
idolizing made me compare
only in grace, i found a way to begin
giving me permission to show up,
just as i am.
one. day. at. a. time.
and tomorrow?
i start again.